a year since i posted anything. looked back. realised everything i typed was so dumb and disgusting and naive. haha nonetheless the things i rly treasured back then, perhaps even now, still.

im always living with regrets. whats wrong with me. first i regretted giving up, then i realised its almost impossible to forget. then i trusted him to bring me away from loving this person. then realised i havent forget him a single bit at all.

now i regret being tgt with someone who was never meant to be.

i should have known much earlier, that it wasnt the right one and i shouldn be trying to salvage anything when it really wasnt meant to be. wasted my efforts, knowing that i really didnt want to try.

and im back to the point it started, and all that was just a waste of time and effort. nothing else. nothing worth remembering, because no matter how sweet those actions or memory were, i wasnt happy. i couldnt bring myself to smile like how i would given that person was him instead.

we took a polaroid, rmb? u kept it. but it was just, a photo. the 4 of us took a polaroid, but ironically, to me, it was the best thing i ever had. not that im confident to say that we are meant to be. but right, WE werent meant to be. a mistake. ridiculous mistake.

5 years ago, that was the best memory of my life. couldn override.

but now, is it even possible to find someone that i can love more than you.

they say if its meant to be it will be. but someone im afraid of accepting the fact that, perhaps it was never meant to be.

i wanna go through your head and see what you have in there. apart from studies and families. is there a place where im at least hidden at some corner. does the memories suffice every single time like how it does for me. even when i was with him, sometimes all i thought was about you. and to refrain myself from those thoughts, i tried loving him.