I realised my entire life since sec 2 was about u. Revolving about you. From the day I fell in love with u, I have not forgotten a single day that goes without thinking of you, no matter how insignificant it may be, be it when I was with him or not. Ironically, those times that I persuaded and convinced myself that I was over you, I wasnt, it was just a denial and I was trying to escape.

Hey. Tell me what to do. I could never seem to be happy without your presence. Yes I can be happy. I have friends and family. But, what was it that you are able to give and they cant? I can never seem to be able to experience that feeling, or stop feeling that you are the one.

Damn, im so stupid. I just cant stop hoping and waiting. Because I was in a relationship, I and knew it wasnt meant to be. Because I rly love who I was when I was with u.

a year since i posted anything. looked back. realised everything i typed was so dumb and disgusting and naive. haha nonetheless the things i rly treasured back then, perhaps even now, still.

im always living with regrets. whats wrong with me. first i regretted giving up, then i realised its almost impossible to forget. then i trusted him to bring me away from loving this person. then realised i havent forget him a single bit at all.

now i regret being tgt with someone who was never meant to be.

i should have known much earlier, that it wasnt the right one and i shouldn be trying to salvage anything when it really wasnt meant to be. wasted my efforts, knowing that i really didnt want to try.

and im back to the point it started, and all that was just a waste of time and effort. nothing else. nothing worth remembering, because no matter how sweet those actions or memory were, i wasnt happy. i couldnt bring myself to smile like how i would given that person was him instead.

we took a polaroid, rmb? u kept it. but it was just, a photo. the 4 of us took a polaroid, but ironically, to me, it was the best thing i ever had. not that im confident to say that we are meant to be. but right, WE werent meant to be. a mistake. ridiculous mistake.

5 years ago, that was the best memory of my life. couldn override.

but now, is it even possible to find someone that i can love more than you.

they say if its meant to be it will be. but someone im afraid of accepting the fact that, perhaps it was never meant to be.

i wanna go through your head and see what you have in there. apart from studies and families. is there a place where im at least hidden at some corner. does the memories suffice every single time like how it does for me. even when i was with him, sometimes all i thought was about you. and to refrain myself from those thoughts, i tried loving him.

falling apart

nothing left

i really dunnoe wat to do.

so what if i dun want?

im so used to the warmth.
but nah.
i cant promise forever.
i dunnoe how much love i can give you.
i dunnoe how much i can try.
tired of trying.
i dunnoe how much i can bring myself to put in that extra effort.

u say i say i suck but i dun bother trying to do better.
maybe that's just cos.
even if i try.
maybe that's all a facade.

i dun want to promise forever.
i cant promise forever.

i dun want to break my promise anymore.

it took me so long to figure out my feelings.
so long.

and i cant make up my mind.
all i can do is sleep and dream.

because somethings will never happen in reality.
no matter how much u wished.
how much u hope.
how much u tried.
how much u yearn for.
things will still be the same.


its hard to believe destiny didnt pave the route for us to walk.

Overview

You're the lion, known for being brave -- but you'd better muster up as much of that bravery as you possibly can now, because for the next several days, you'll be dealing with something far more stressful than a jealous lover. You'll need to handle misplaced directions, miscommunications and mistakes, all of which can lead to misunderstandings within relationships, be they romantic, platonic or professional. Yes, this could be tricky. Start mustering.

yea. so true. im just about to lose direction in everything.

painful tears, sad loneliness.







so there still are times when you feel so helpless and all you can do is stare into blank space and cry. why is love so hard.

have u ever missed me?
not you. but you.